TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE A CHRISTIAN
10- You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other
religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of your god.
9- You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved
from lesser life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we
were created from dirt.
8- You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Trinity god.
7- Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah,
but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all
the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic
groups in "Joshua" -- including women, children, and trees!
6- You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods
sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit
impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to
life and then ascended into the sky.
5- You are willing to spend your life looking for little loop-holes in the
scientifically established age of the Earth (4.55 billion years), but you find
nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by pre-historic tribesmen sitting
in their tents and guessing that the Earth is a couple of generations old.
4- You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of
those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects --
will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet you consider your
religion the most "tolerant" and "loving".
3- While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to
convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in
"tongues" may be all the evidence you need to prove Christianity.
2- You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers.
You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the
remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
1- You actually know a lot less than many Atheists and Agnostics do about the
Bible, Christianity, and church history -- but still call yourself a Christian
*I thank Stephanie for sending this to me.
**Disclaimer: I know the list doesn't apply to all Christians, but it's still too damn funny
The Keys to Your Heart
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.
You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.